I wish I could say she'd stay for some time. Just for talking or something. Even if I talk all the time. I wonder why I invited her today... to the park.
Perhaps, I was invited? I don't know. It seems to me she took the initiative some time, damn it, girls' republic. I...
I called her today, she was busy, she was all in music and talk, for all I know I might've phoned right in the middle of it all. Yeah, someday after all. Yeah, we'll meet. If she's not busy, of course.
Like I'm sleeping. I dreamt of a girl, she was my ballroom dancing partner. It means we danced together. For two years, and then she left me, professional dancer, 17 y.o. She wanted to go on, she got her perspective. Right.
She was more than good. I was mediocre. I am mediocre in fact. Anyway, dear diary, fuck it.
It was like talking, like my former friends were all there, some concert, I never wanted to go to. I woke up sore, I never knew it could drive me down. Friends, I mean. Never felt any need in them.
Now I feel lonely. Perhaps, I got older. Give me a year more and I'll be cruising pubs all around the city with my male friends. I feel sick thinking of that.
The less, the better. Sounds good.
I have to talk all the time...all the time, like pressing one and the same button.
Love is always there, within you, and it is unlimited. That simple.
You are free to give it to anyone you want. That easy.
You may stop the process any time. But that's a bit difficult.
Especially if you felt like giving it all the time.
If you were waiting for some breathtaking blinding overwhelming something to come and seize you and lead you through life being the solemn reason to exist for, you are a dumbass.
Nothing like that.
Love doesn't come and go. It's typical only of us to move. It's either you are open to it or not.
Why not give it all if you just like a person?
Don't trouble yourself with borderlines between friendship and love. There are none until you imagine them.
Sex is materialized love. A lot of non-materialized love is for you to give. Because you can't fuck a tree. Even if you like it very much.
If you like someone more then another, just go for it. And it's not love, that makes you to. It's the variety of the stimuli that let you give that very person a lot more love.
Stop the propaganda.
Otherwise you'll degrade waiting all your life.
To tell your neighbour's grandchildren love missed you.
Because you'll never tell them you are dumbass.