1. It kinda sucks when you overhear how the girl you kinda like is being asked out.
2. It definitely sucks to have a girl you kinda like when you're married.
3. It's not good when your friends go missing one by one.
4. It's not good when your phone goes into endless reboot.
5. It's not good to be thinking of suicide every day. You know, there so many ways, I feel like I'm in a supermarket.
6. It's not good to be thinking of how you could kill people in various ways. Say, today I thought I could kill any cowboy just by feeding their horse a square of acid.
7. It's not good to come homw drunk at 4 am and watch porn and throw up and watch porn again and go to work shortly after. After that everything seems to be porn.
8. It's not good to jerk off. Definitely not good when you imagine an office girl bending over your curriculum.
Oh, fuck this word. "Curriculum". I guess when some gay noble Roman invented that he was shitting hard.
C'mon, it sounds like someone's having a shit of his life:
"Currrriculum".
9. It's not good waking up home wishing you woke up in a nother home that has never existed but in your sudden imagination burst.
And then they all say:
"You have to understand!" and
"Don't hurt them, they're good"
and then
"80% of women do not really enjoy sex with men" or
"I'm sure she is right"
And it fucking feels like there's a field, an endless field. With a princess in the middle. And the princess is ugly and stupidand kinda not facinating. But she's the only princess around there. And the field is huge. Dark and empty. And the princess there is damn annoying and not funny. But you can't say or do anything. It's your field and it's your princess and then everybody goes:
"It's your choice and you made it, now you have to take the responsibility!"
And you fucking take it. And drag it. And forget how your life was before you had all that shit. You forget how funny you were. And how free. And how you could do anything you wanted.
And how "yes" was yes and "no" was also yes.
And how everything was.
You work, you drink, you sleep, you think of death, you sleep, you work, you drink.
You play "Fallout 3", 20 minutes a day and don't fucking get it why your spare time had gotten so compressed.
You try to persuade yourself you've grown up and you need to pretend to start to love what you got. But you can't. Just can't start loving it. Or start believing yourself.
That's all you, Steve.
You told me about switching. It was your idea. I kinda liked it. And then, well, if it were me, I'd probably have already been utterly happy with what I got.
Or you got.
Or is it like, I got it and you help me get rid of it?
And then, after I, well, you understand everyone, who'll understand me? Him? Say, if we start playing doctor and psycho, that'd be gay.
What if I'm already gay?
I love fucking myself so much.